A Beginners Guide to being a Non-League Supporter

or how to wear your anorak with pride......

Are you a budding non-league supporter? Can you not go another day without half-cooked burgers and ralgex-flavoured tea?

To be a real fan you need to be prepared. Take out a pen and paper (what, you don't have 3 different coloured biros in your top pocket?) and note this down.......

Firstly, you don't need any friends any more! No, you can now spend happy evenings poring over your atlas of Great Britain, planning which ground to visit next. Of course you'll need a copy of the Non-League Yearbook, which should be committed to memory as soon as possible. This will avoid embarrassment at your next dinner party where everyone else knows the location of Bugbrooke St. Michael.

The ultimate achievement of your new-found hobby is to be referred to as a ground hopper, or a non-league buff. Voices are hushed in the bars of grounds up and down the land when a true ground hopper walks in, for we are not often in the presence of greatness. However you have some work to do. First thing is to get kitted out properly. The following list will guide you in the right direction:

• Anorak. Regardless of the weather, you won't even get off first base if your anorak isn't up to scratch. Nylon in Navy blue is considered ideal, you will score more for a detachable hood (attached), and lots of zippers. Don't put too much thought into trousers, but never wear shorts - slacks with a "perma-crease" are best for most occasions.
• Clipboard and Pens. Plastic wallet. Essential for keeping your programme in tip-top condition. Always buy two - one to note down the team changes on, the other to keep in pristine condition inside the plastic wallet. This is just in case there's ever a bull market for non-league programmes. You never know, one day 16 manky old pages of adverts might be worth something.
• Souvenirs. Try to obtain some momento of your trip. Travelling to all 92 league grounds is old hat now - you'll need proof you've been to every amateur ground in the country. Better souvenirs include club pins (pinned to your "non-league" cap), badges (sewn into your "non-league" blanket), or an old can of Ralgex discarded by a player. If there is no club shop, improvise with a piece of turf or some rust from the turnstile.
• Polite Applause. You simply MUST get adept at a slightly limp hand clap, which you ideally only use when everyone else is completely silent. Half time in the tea queue is the direction you want to be heading in, although you may like to practise first when a player who has been simply terrible is substituted.
• Half of Shandy. Trying to order this with a "top" isn't considered funny any more.
• Tactical Awareness. Any in-depth knowledge of football strategy or tactics will rule you out completely. Prior knowledge of a team's sponsors is excellent though.
• One Foot in the Past. Bringing inflatables into games, especially bananas is now unfortunately for children only. However you can demonstrate your ultra-modern outlook by appearing surprised when you see a black player run out. This one works best in the South West. A rattle or trumpet can be a surprising and useful addition to your armoury.
• Sense of Direction. Where to watch the game from? Well having arrived 2 hours early to ensure your place in a crowd of 83, the best ground hoppers are often as far away from the pitch as possible, whilst still being in the ground. If you can't stand too far from the pitch, just stand miles away from anyone else in the ground. This will ensure everyone knows who you are. If you take a fancy for a team, try to see both sides by standing amongst the opposite supporters, and shouting things like "CCCMMMMMOORRFFFYYYYWWSS". If you're shy about shouting, then take a rattle (see One Foot in the Past)
• Transport. If you must drive, make sure it's a MkII Ford Escort with an odd coloured bonnet. Park directly in front of the turnstiles. Your preferred transport is the train - you will be expected to know the train times and locomotive names by heart. Don't, whatever you do, get a taxi to the ground. Walk, even if it's snowing. You'll earn your shandy that way. Asking directions is a sign of weakness and is to be avoided at all costs.
• Manner. Try to develop a tic, and mad, staring eyes. Stare at people's children as they walk round the ground. Singing to yourself at this point endears you to the true fans. Develop an annoying cough.

Now you've got a few tips, it's down to your ingenuity to stamp your mark on the non-league scene. See you in Millets!

No idea where this was nicked from but was clearing up some old files and found this so if any one knows the origin stick it in the comments box and update with credit where is due!

You’ve drunk the beer, nicked the T-Shirt, now read all about the little village in Belgium that’s home to our favourite tipple.

This comes from a Website entitled Belgium’s Beer Paradise. You can find it at www.bestbelgianbeers.com

The story of Hoegaarden white is as fascinating as the beer itself.

It starts around 1445 when the Begaarden monastic order came to Hoegaarden, a little village in the province of Brabant. The region is blessed with heavy clay soil where the wheat grows tall and strong.

Taking local grown wheat, working by hand and following a secret recipe using nature's purest ingredients, the villagers developed the original white, unfiltered, wheat beer characterized by its very pale, cloudy appearance.

The village developed into a center of the brewing industry over hundreds of years-by the end of the 18th century, Hoegaarden boasted 34 separate breweries-and its long-term prosperity looked guaranteed. But the world outside was moving on. Industrial production techniques, new refrigeration techniques and the irresistible rise of the new clear lagers all took their toll. By 1920 only five breweries were left. The final blow fell in 1957 when the last white brewery, Tomsin, closed its doors. Our story would have ended there-in tears.

But Hoegaarden was saved.

During the record hot summer of 1965, villagers missed the cool, refreshing taste of their unique, local drink. The village milkman, who lived next to the original brewery and who had worked there in the past, dug out the age-old recipe, got his inspiration, and, with a couple of vats sawed in half, an old copper kettle, pure spring water and natural ingredients, began brewing Hoegaarden white beer..

Within weeks business took off. As news of what he had done spread, visitors and beer connoisseurs (from Belgium, Germany, Holland and France) flocked to his brewery.

Hoegaarden white was born... stronger and even more popular than the white beers of the past