Hamlet pay the penalty

May 7 2004
DULWICH 2 WEALDSTONE 2 Wealdstone win 5-4 on pens
Chris Fidler Reports From Champion Hill, South London Press
THERE were tears at Dog Kennel Hill on Monday night after a season that promised so much ended in despair for Dulwich.
Twice they were on the brink of beating Wealdstone in the biggest game of the season, and twice they blew it.
This was a time when it was acceptable for grown men to cry - because all their hard work over the past nine months had, ultimately counted for nothing. Wealdstone go up into the revamped Ryman Premier Division, while Dulwich, who accrued enough points to challenge for the championship in any other year, have missed the boat in the non-league revamp.
It was harsh on Dulwich who fought back from a poor first half showing to look certainties to win.
Those opening 45 minutes were a nervy affair for Martin Eede's side as the visitors created several good chances. But for the keeping of Paul Seuke, Hamlet would have been dead and buried by half time. He parried well from a fourth minute Dave Ryan free kick as Wealdstone settled first. Hamlet were struggling to create things and it took until the 18th minute for their first serious attack - but Craig Dundas dallied with the ball at his feet before firing against Andy Carter in the visitors' goal, then smacking the rebound against the post.
The visitors took the lead on 25 minutes when Seuke punched out Gary McKeown's free kick, but Martin Carter thumped the ball in to the net from all of 30 yards.
Seuke then brilliantly tipped a dipping cross on to the bar, and from the resulting corner showed great reactions to palm Ryan's close-range piledriver round the post. In stoppage time, Jolly's snapshot hit the post after Lee Doherty and Jason Curnow gifted the centre-forward possession on the edge of the box.
Dulwich had escaped, and four minutes after the break got the equaliser. There looked to be no danger as player of the year Omari Coleman ran down the left flank, but he whipped a cross to the far post where Charlie Side bundled home from close range.
Coleman and Dundas were starting to really stretch the Wealdstone back four - the former having a personal duel with Carter in the away goal. On 56 minutes Carter blocked Coleman's shot following good work from Dundas. On the hour Dundas saw a shot blocked by Carter as Dulwich, driven on by their influential skipper Alex O'Brien in midfield, dominated.
On 67 minutes Carter again thwarted Coleman, after the striker latched onto Francis Quarm's through-ball, and turned his marker only to see his shot palmed away.
Coleman finally got the better of Carter in the 79th minute when he hammered the keeper's parry from a Dundas strike home to make it 2-1 to Dulwich.
All Hamlet had to do was hold on, but Wealdstone got the equaliser with six minutes to go. A clumsy Dulwich challenge gifted Ryan a free kick on the edge of the box and he fired it low through the defensive wall into the net.
Either side could have won it in an absorbing extra-time battle. Ben Alexander and Jolly went close for Wealdstone, Dundas had a goal ruled out for handball and Coleman was again thwarted by Carter.
So it went to penalties and Hamlet looked certainties to wrap up the tie when they went 4-3 up thanks to successful kicks from Lee Akers, Justin Bowen, Dundas, Coleman and a Seuke save from Ryan.
But substitute Meshach Nugent crashed what would have been the winner against the bar, then Wealdstone skipper Martin Carter hammered home to make it 4-4 and sudden death.
Dulwich substitute David Moore saw his shot saved by Carter and it was up to Jolly to give Wealdstone victory. As the ball hit the back of the net the 400-odd Wealdstone fans invaded the pitch as the Dulwich players fought back the tears.
A side that finished 10 points off the top of the table looked as though they had been relegated. But knowing the character in the side, they will bounce back.

Teams:
DHFC: Paul Seuke; Lee Doherty (Lee Akers 118); Julian Curnow; Alex O'Brien; Justin Bowen; Jason Turley; Kemal Bulent (Meshach Nugent 118); Francis Quarm; Omari Coleman; Craig Dundas; Charley Side (David Moore 77)
Substitutes not used: Errison Ahwan; Scott Edgar
WFC: Andy Carter; Jason Shaw (Tommy Williams 71); Gary Burrell; Dave Ryan; Danny Butler; Martin Carter; Matt Carvell; Gary McKeown; Marvin Morgan (Ben Alexander 95); Richard Jolly; James Duncan
Substitutes not used: Alon Hemmerdinger; Brett Freeman; Danny Tilbury
Mr Tony Mason
Mr Steve Roots, Mr Darren Sheldrake (4th Mr Paul Martin)

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.

A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch: "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies: "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in.

A wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland.

To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.
The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, 'Silence in court!'
The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says,
'Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened.'
The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride.
The judge says, 'OK.'
'Well,' said Paddy, 'after I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs.'
Shocked, the judge instantly responded, 'God, that must have hurt!'
'Hurt?' Paddy replies. 'He broke three of my fingers!'

Ronaldo, Luis Figo and Wayne Rooney are standing before God at the throne of Heaven.

God looks at them and says; "before granting you a place at my side, I must first ask you what you believe in."
Addressing Ronaldo first he asks, "what do you believe?"
Ronaldo looks God in the eye and states passionately, "I believe Football to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many people from the slums of Rio to the bright lights of Madrid. I have devoted my life to bring such joy to people who stood on the terraces supporting their club."
God looks up and offers Ronaldo the seat to his left.
He then turns to Luis Figo, "and you, Luis, what do you believe?"
Figo stands tall and proud, "I believe courage, honour and passion are the fundamentals to life and I've spent my whole playing career providing a living embodiment of these traits."
God, moved by the passion of the speech offers Figo the seat to his right.
Finally, he turns to Wayne Rooney, "and you, Wayne, what do you believe?"
"I believe,” says Rooney "you're sitting in my seat."