As part of this pastime I call a job, I get a number of newsletter emails, usually full of stuff that is pretty dry to the normal palate but amongst today’s I discovered this wonderful gem.

The public are to be offered the chance to buy shares in new prisons under a "buy to let" scheme being considered by the Home Office, it has emerged.
The idea has been suggested in an attempt to overcome the refusal of the chancellor, Gordon Brown, to find extra money for the Prison Service, specifically for 8,000 new prison places at a time when the service is at breaking point.
The plan envisages that the public can be tempted to invest in a new-style property company that would build jails and then rent them out to private prison operators. Supposedly, this would then provide investors with a guaranteed dividend from the "rental income".
Clearly the destruction at Harmondsworth immigration detention centre earlier this week – would not feature in any future prospectus.
A PCS Prison Service Group spokesperson said "With a total of 10 private prisons, Britain already has the most privatised prison system in Europe. Rather than invest in measures which we know will tackle re-offending and the record high prison population crisis, this harebrained scheme will now be another opportunity for the government to deliver more prison work to the privateers.
In the Prison Service we are told that there has to be cost savings in order to compete with the private sector – which in practice means our pay, staffing numbers and our conditions.
If staff ever needed evidence of the ‘madness of privatisation’, the threat to jobs & conditions and the need to support the national PCS campaign – this is it.

At first I had to double check my calendar for surely I have not been hibernating, winter passing me by, as April the First arrived like an express train. But no! A quick check on the Public and Commercial Services Union website and all was confirmed. Back in the 80’s, at the height of Margaret Thatcher’s mass sell-off of social housing stock, Not the Nine O’clock News included a spoof news report to the effect that “long term prisoners would be given the opportunity to buy their own cells”. What a sad indictment on New “Labour” that a throw away line in an Eighties comedy show would now become part of policy.

Dulwich Hamlet 3 Woking FC 5 (AET FT 3-3)

Surrey Senior Cup - Second Round

Tuesday 5^th December 2006

Déjà vu at the Hill. Dulwich play the opposition off the park in a pulsating first half but a late, late goal robs them of a famous victory against loftier adversaries. Woking threatened to collapse like a house of Cards as Chris Dickson' first half hat trick, scored in the space of just 16 minutes built the Hamlet a convincing 3-1 lead before the break; indeed it could have more, much more. Second half full time fitness told, Woking brought on the big guns as Dulwich withdrew theirs and at the death a scrambled goal forced extra time. The additional half hour proved too much for weary Hamlet legs and goals either side of the break ensuring the Conference side safe, if nervous passage to a third round home tie with either Walton & Hersham or Ashford Town (Middlesex).

As early as the opening minute Dickson posted intent, lashing an oblique drive across the face of goal. Nine minutes 1-0 to the Hamlet, Dickson refusing to give up on a long ball forward, stretching a lithe limb out and lobbing stranded keeper Aaron Howe. Three minutes later Steve Ferguson tried the same trick on Chris Lewington but his luck was out as the ball struck the base of the far post and Jamie Coyle cleared the ball to safety. Poor marking at a corner gifted Ferguson the chance to make up for this as the scores were levelled on the quarter hour but Dickson returned to hound the defence with a brace of goals. An excellent tackle by Nicolas Plumain paved the way for Dickson to latch on to a threaded pass from the midfielder, drawing Howe then rounding him and tucking the ball home. Five minutes later and Shawn Beveney's steaming charge goalwards ended with a ferocious low drive that Howe could only parry into the path of Dickson, the poacher supreme lashing the rebound home. Twice in three minutes Dickson was a fraction away from adding to the lead. Cedric Meeko's long range drive shaved the woodwork; David Moore had a strike palmed against the post by Howe, the keeper also pulling off a spectacular save to deny Sol Pinnock after his effort had looped crazily off a defender. Although Ferguson missed a brace of clear-cut chances to reduce the deficit, it was clear Dulwich were firmly in the driving seat.

By the 65th minute Dulwich had exhausted their substitutes, Dickson among those withdrawn. Meanwhile Woking had dipped into the replacements bringing on leading scorer Craig McAllister. Slowly they were making inroads into the Hamlet. Twice in the blink of an eye Jusytn Roberts cleared the ball from the Dulwich goalline, denying first Steven Evans then Saheed Sankoh. 13 minutes from time, a free kick was met by the head of skipper Gary MacDonald, a pinpoint header directed into the top corner of the net. 90 minutes played on came Tom Hutchinson for the Cards, within a minute he had rescued his side from defeat as a throw launched into the six yard box sparked a scramble for the ball, the replacement applying the finishing touch to force extra-time.

Pushing fatigued limbs to the limit, Dulwich struggled to contain their opponents. A fearsome strike on the run from Ferguson brought a stunning save out of Lewington as the shot was pushed on to the crossbar but the young keeper was beaten again in the final minute of the half as he brought down Sankoh to concede a penalty, McAllister converting. The second half of extra-time was barely a minute old when Sankoh tucked away number five after Lewington could only parry Ferguson's drive. A second Woking penalty two minutes, magnificently saved by Lewington, proved only academic.

Teams:

DHFC: Chris Lewington; Lewis Tozer (Justyn Roberts HT); Billy Warner; Jason Turley; Jamie Coyle (Capt); Cedric Meeko; David Moore (Kenny Beaney 51); Nicolas Plumain; Shawn Beveney; Chris Dickson (Daniel Jones 65); Sol Pinnock

Substitutes not used: Matt Dean, Theo Fairweather-Johnson

WFC: Aaron Howe; Simon Jackson; Karim El-Salahi; Gary MacDonald (Capt); Danny Bunce; Chris Sharpling (Craig McAllister 70); Shola Oyedele (Tom Hutchinson 85); Sam Cockerill; Goma Lambu (Stephen Evans HT); Steve Ferguson; Saheed Sankoh

Substitutes not used: Michael Poke, Matt Ruby

Attendance:

Officials:

Referee: Mr Steve Briffitt (Shirley)

Assistant Referee: Mr Mark Ford (Cheam) & Mr Rob Allum (Addiscombe)

Fourth Official: Mr Gareth Mays (Croydon)

Goalscoring

1-0 DHFC Chris Dickson 9^th minute

1-1 WFC Steve Ferguson 15^th minute

2-1 DHFC Chris Dickson 22^nd minute

3-1 DHFC Chris Dickson 31^st minute

3-2 WFC Gary MacDonald 79^th minute

3-3 WFC Tom Hutchinson 90^th minute (1^st minute of stoppage time)

3-4 WFC Craig McAllister (Penalty) 104^th minute

3-5 WFC Saheed Sankoh 106^th minute

Dulwich Hamlet 1 Kingstonian 0

Ryman Isthmian League Division One South

Saturday 2^nd December 2006

‘Twas Dickson with the twinkling toes

Did lead the Kingston men astray

And with a surge of power and grace

Did deftly tuck the ball away

A solitary goal from the league's leading scorer, a defence locked tight against a late onslaught from struggling visitors from whom the season stretches out like a barren wasteland, all it needed for the Hamlet to brush off their November blues and extend their advantage at the head of the pack hunting that solitary assured promotion place. For the visiting Ks defeat added to their ever-growing woes as they slide down the table faster than the tallow from a lighted candle. Sans hope, sans luck, sans victory the target of the red and white clad fans opprobrium became manager Stuart McIntyre, charged with the Herculean task of cleaning out the Augean stables of Kingsmeadow and returning former glories to the once all-conquering club. Time is not on his side, nor is it on that of his players; legs and bodies cursed by Father Time frequently no match for the youthful exuberance of the Hamlet's neophytes.

Returning from his Caribbean sojourn, Shawn Beveney was restored to the starting line-up for the hamlet whilst between the sticks a new face as Ricky Millard, once of Barnet, arrived on loan from Billericay to wrest the keepers' gloves from Chris Lewington. Meanwhile McIntyre had been busy with his broom, sweeping the likes of Dean Lodge, Mazin Ahmad and Dan Morris out of the door whilst welcoming in former favourite Gary Drewett. Combined with those departures and a fourth successive 1-1 at rock-bottom Corinthian-Casuals, the Ks pack saw a major reshuffle but would be enough to unseat the long-time leaders? Early signs were not promising. A sterile Ks rarely threatened whilst Dulwich did all the work in front of goal, custodian Luke Garrard making a solo claim to his side's win bonus with keeping sometimes inspired, sometimes fortuitous. Ks defenders brought to mind the Keystone Kops, forever pursuing Charlie Chaplin's little tramp as Dickson, Beveney and a pumped-up Phil Williams ripped into them again and again. Through on goal with defenders' waving furiously at non-one in particular, it took a timely intervention from Garrard to thwart the pacy winger, blocking with his legs. Staying on his feet as he wove a mazy part into the box, resisting the temptation to hit the deck, Dickson too was denied as his effort was scooped out by the Ks keeper's leg. A deep crossfield ball from Jake Daniel, fast making the left back slot his home, fell to Dickson allowing him to set up Williams but he was again frustrated as Garrard reacted quickly to drop a hand and block the shot.

The half hour had just ticked by when Ks finally mustered a threat as Hamlet were caught on the hop, pleading for a free kick that never came. Subdued until now Adolphe Amoako laid a pass into the path of the itinerant veteran Tony Reid but with the goal looming ahead of him, he elected for an early effort and Millard net went unruffled.

The ring-rusty Millard, without a game since the end of last season, almost presented Reid with a chance to atone after rushing from his line to clear the ball from Amoako, only to lose control of the ball close to the touchline and present to the lurking Reid. A cross cum shot from the acutest of angles tight by the corner flag might have embarrassed the new boy but Lewis Tozer was there to spare his blushes, nodding the ball behind at the near post. Millard's kicking game seemed to deteriorate, a goal kick as ineffectual as an England fly-half's, presented Ks with a throw from which Asher Hudson delivered a teasing cross, one the Hamlet keeper missed but again fortune favoured him as the lumbering Jamie Jarvis failed to make a telling contact at the back of the area. At least Millard's shot stopping was assured, Reid denied after Scott Corbett had created the opening with a determined run.

As the half drew to a close the game threatened to erupt as Williams was the innocent victim of a horrendous foul, hacked down by Julian Sills as he once again threatened to leave the lumbering leviathan for dead. An unseemly bundle followed as players of hues converged, the perpetrator Sills summoned by referee Nigel Lugg, the yellow card brandished matched by one to Kenny Beaney as if a jaywalker had received the same sentence as a mass-murderer.

The sides matched each other chance for chance as the second half got underway. A serpentine run from the wily Williams carved a hole through the Ks rearguard but from ten yards out and with only Garrard between himself and glory, Williams stabbed the ball wide of the mark. Millard was soon called into rare action as Martyn Lee chanced his arm with a curling strike from distance, the Hamlet keeper launching himself across goal to parry the ball away. Dickson continued to pose problems, sent tumbling to win a free kick on the fringes of the penalty area, a chance squandered as Beaney curled the ball too high.

On 57 minutes stolid defiance ended as Dickson struck for the 28^th time in as many appearances in Pink and Blue. Creator of the gaol was David Moore, incisive on the left wing, before slipping the ball inside to his striker. Muscle was no match for magic; "Open Sesame!" and Dickson had zipped in. Out came Garrard, but with an imperious flick the ball had been knocked past the prostrate keeper. With Steve Potterill in hot pursuit the ball seemed to take an eternity to roll towards goal but at last it gently nudged the base of far post and nestled in the net.

As if kissed by Prince Charming, Ks suddenly woke from their eternal slumber. Drewett almost marked his return to red and white in style but volleyed wide after Justyn Roberts had headed the straight to him. More pressure, a weak punch from Millard straight to Jarvis but back on the line was Tozer, once again to rescue his keeper, this time with a goal line clearance. Corbett made way for Glenn Boosey, some intoxicating skills on the left the precursor for a deep cross which ended with Lee's snap shot going wide.

The massed ranks of the Hamlet defence stood firm to block Amaoko's shot on the turn, preparing the way for a rapier-like attack. Williams drove up field through Sills and Jarvis, Scylla and Charybdis to the bold winger's Jason, before slipping the ball across to Dickson but once again Garrard managed to pull off a vital save. The introduction of Boosey had proved a late fizz to Ks flat lager, once again going close cutting from the left but dragging his shot wide of the target.

If Ks performance had been anything but vintage, one could not say that of the Ks' wild card. Ten minutes from time, 44 year-old David Leworthy entered the fray in place of the faltering Reid. Vintage in years, vintage in ability, an adroit chip came close to shedding a rare ray of hope on Ks' gloomy day. But pushing forward Ks became exposed at the back, Jamie Coyle powering out of defence to the very brink of the box before the danger was neutralised. A corner saw Moore set up Dickson only for an offside flag to halt him in his tracks. Jarvis became the second grateful recipient of refereeing leniency, Moore his victim. At the death Ks even threw keeper Garrard forward in a desperate search for that equaliser but rather than gain them a point, it almost saw Hamlet double their lead as they broke from a corner. Furiously trying to recover ground, Garrard received a let off with Warner biding his time rather than attempting a spectacular effort from distance into the unguarded net, his belated cross finding Dickson but from a tight angle the ball found only the side netting.

At the final whistle a vociferous knot of travelling fans found their scapegoat, demanding the head of manager McIntyre over whom the thin thread holding the Damoclesean sword becomes ever more frayed. His opposite number merely smiled benignly for once again his charges had done the talking with their feet.

Teams:

DHFC: Ricky Millard; Lewis Tozer; Gavin Dayes; Justyn Roberts; Jamie Coyle (Capt); Jake Daniel; David Moore (Billy Warner 90); Kenny Beaney; Shawn Beveney; Chris Dickson; Phil Williams (Sol Pinnock 90+4)

Substitutes not used: Cedric Meeko, Jason Turley, Nicolas Plumain

KFC: Luke Garrard; Asher Hudson; Steve Potterill; Jamie Jarvis; Julian Sills; Craig Lewington; Scott Corbett (Glenn Boosey); Gary Drewett; Tony Reid (David Leworthy); Adolph Amoako; Martyn Lee (Jon Coke)

Substitutes not used: Steve Symes; Yinka Salaam

Attendance: 381

Officials:

Referee: Mr Nigel Lugg (Chipstead, Surrey)

Assistant Referees: Mr Ahcene Yahiaoui (Loughborough Park) & Mr Peter Georgiou (Wandsworth)

Goalscoring:

1-0 DHFC Chris Dickson 57^th minute