Thursday, March 21, 2002

The NORM REPORT

After an interminable wait, the day finally dawned when Dulwich would learn the fate of their proposed redevelopment – a scheme that would transform a derelict wasteland into a state of the art sporting complex. In addition it would remove the sword of Damocles hanging over the Hamlet’s head, that of the short lease granted to the club by King’s College Trust when the current Champion Hill opened less than a decade ago. However the relative novelty of the existing stadium, the construction of a new Homebase Superstore on the current pitch and arguably most controversial of all the loss of the blasted heath that is Greendales saw an eclectic mix of protestors ranged against Dulwich and its resilient supporters who had gathered outside the Town Hall prior to the meeting.
Having decked the steps with balloons and placards, leaflets were pressed into the hands of passing pedestrians. Passing traffic indicated their support with raucous toots, although one passing cyclistic Scotsman was less than enthusiastic, launching an uncouth “**** off, you w*****s!!” at the assembled crowd. Addresses from Steve Powell of the Football Supporters Association, a prime mover in obtaining backing for Arsenal’s new stadium, and Simon (Thingy) of the Wimbledon Independent Supporters Association galvanised the fans before the meeting’s commencement.
Obvious local interest meant a packed committee room with Dulwich support clearly in the ascendancy a fact bore out later in the evening. Several people found themselves forced to stand as the available seats quickly vanished, but hopes of a swift seamless meeting were quickly dashed as the Planning Committee displayed all the skills of a limbless juggler. Continual prevarication as the committee settled was followed by further delay as the chair asked for speakers for both sides of the argument. Cliveden/Dulwich clearly had their representatives nominated in the shape of Cliveden director (thingy) and Dulwich multitasker extraordinaire Martin Eede. When objectors were asked for however half-a-dozen hands shot up in the air, including the insidious John Beasley and a woman whose hairdo seemed one of Stevie Wonder’s specials. At this point the committee felt inclined to move the goalposts and having expected and prepared for three minutes a piece, the protagonists suddenly found themselves with twice as long. A boon to the protestors but of little benefit to the sponsors. After much deliberation the antis elected their representatives. Unsurprisingly one was Beastly, who claimed the lion’s share of the time (3½ minutes), the next the flamboyantly coiffured woman (1½ minutes) then lastly the headmistress of Bessemer Grange School with the remaining minute.
Finally, after all the flimflam, battle was engaged. Dulwich fans quietly confident having perused the report and noted the Council Officers’ recommendation for procedure. Even that confidence was not dented in the light of an atrocious case put forward by Cliveden. Like some timid schoolboy up in front of the headmaster for not doing his homework, (thingy) stuttered his way through his defence with frequent long pauses as if seemed determined to stretch his words out to fill the full six minutes, though the incessant halts made it seem a lot longer. Worse was to follow as the councillors began their interrogation. Custer at Little Big Horn must have been more prepared than this. Enquiries about traffic were frequently met with “I don’t know” and you half expected him to say the report had been left on the bus.
This was a frustrating time for the Dulwich fans in the room. When asked about carparking spaces for the football club, he again prevaricated whilst every Dulwich fan present was itching to let him know that the bulk, probably 90%, made their way to the ground by Public Transport, Bus to Dog Kennel Hill or Train to East Dulwich, or on foot. Similarly anyone with half a brain cell could have informed him that traffic would not as great a problem as the doomsayers predict for surely the target customer of Homebase would already be the sort of person already using Sainsbury’s and the majority of them would be visiting both sites at the same time. Instead he dropped an almighty clanger with an almost remark in response to a question about the installation of a Traffic Management Scheme. “These things tend to sort themselves out”. By now Beastly was grinning like a Cheshire Cat.
It came as a blessed release when his place at the microphone was taken by Martin Eede. An impassioned rallying call for the defence of Dulwich Hamlet followed as he propagated the scheme as the best chance of survival for the borough’s most historic and successful sporting club, making it clear that it had been no secret that for many years Dulwich Hamlet had too often flirted with extinction. He praised the volunteers and supporters whose dedicated work and generosity had kept the club going through some of its darkest days. The constant vandalism and general degradation of Greendales had drained resources that could be invested not only in Dulwich Hamlet FC but in the sporting future of Southwark’s youth. In contrast to the speaker before Martin’s honesty and forthright responses seemed to be turning the tide back in favour of Hambase. The evening’s barometer Beasley grin had by now vanished and a scowl appeared as Martin’s erudition drew him a standing ovation from the bulk of the audience.
Stunned into indignant silence the antis now had their turn under the spotlight. First up the nemesis of the Hamlet, Beasley but with nothing new in his arguments and plenty that was frankly subjective and on occasions contradictory, confidence was growing. The same tired arguments that were trotted out in the run up to the building of Sainsbury's came flooding back. Children crushed en masse beneath the wings of juggernauts as they thundered up and down Champion Hill. Personally I can think of one comparable incident in the past decade and that involved a car not a Sainsbury’s lorry.
Such an accident would have to a major surprise though for traffic will also apparently be at gridlock what with the weight of custom for the new stores. Then again the people of East Dulwich do not want a Homebase (just as they did want a Sainsbury’s – third most popular in the UK and employer of hundreds of local people) so where would the traffic come from?
Then Mr Beasley is not a traffic expert (his words, not mine). His assertion that the road narrowing at the bottom of Dog Kennel Hill had made congestion worse. Really, I though the footpath always extended to the pillars of the bridge and that the widening of the pavement merely created a funnel, but do not take my word for it find an expert.
Waxing lyrical about Greendales, he entertained the assembled crowd with an anecdote about a walk through the beauteous countryside of Greendales. “..it was just like being in the country”. Which one, Afghanistan, the Lebanon? Countryside more like bloody Moss-side (© Sir Larry Marsh, KFC). Growing up in the countryside, I would hardly compare that s***hole with the rolling moors of Cornwall or Dartmoor or Wordsworth’s Lake District. I wandered lonely as a clod blah, blah, blah when all at once I can upon a burnt old Vauxhall Vectra, an assorted of used syringes and condoms and half a ton of spoil fly-tipped last night. Hardly poetical is it.
Still at least Beasley always good for those classic comedy moments. Moving on to another one of his bugbears, the defence of local shops for local people, he praised the service of Terry’s DIY from whom he once got a free screw (now that’s what I call service with a smile!). “I’ve being doing DIY at home for thirty years now”. Previous giggles had been stifled but there was no holding this one and the decorum of the evening was shattered.
In contrast the support act was disappointing. The comically coloured hair belonged to the chair of the Tree Council, all of whose relatives are apparently season ticket at the Hill. Don’t touch Greendales because it is a nice short cut was the gist of the argument. Next up the headmistress of Bessemer Grange who complained about a lack of consultation on the use of the facilities by her school, adding that her two of her pupils had been injured on Greendales on the way to using the playing fields at JAGS. Conveniently she omitted to mention the vehicles involved in the accidents, possibly in deference to one of her fellow protestors, a typical middle class NIMBY who’d arrived in full cycling gear and probably read the Daily Mail in light of her conclusion that since this involves a football club and must be stopped on the basis that all football supporters are hooligans.
Still it was not over and with no ward councillor to speak it was left to Councillor David Bradshaw of neighbouring Ruskin Ward to speak. Understandably he took the anti stand but a grain of hope came in his assertion that the council should reject the scheme at this point and support it on appeal. Like others before him, his speech too carried inconsistencies. Champion Hill Estate and Dylways were confused. He spoke of his constituents view of the trees being obstructed by the stadium then added that the view had been improved by the lopping down of the trees around East Dulwich Station. Surely our friend from the Tree Council would not be in agreement.
As the time ticked on towards closing time, thoughts of a celebratory drink were diminishing. A grilling of the Council Officers concluded, the members of the committee edged closer to a vote. One, Jeff Rook, moved for deferral on the grounds of incomplete traffic data but the wheels of political machination were already in motion. Two other members, including the Machiavellian Aubyn Graham, who had always given the impression moved for a vote on the sole motivation of the loss of Metropolitan Open Land. The chair accepted this and like stabs through the heart, the votes came in. First Graham – No. Dulwich hearts sank. A second expected NO from his Tory co-conspirator was followed by a resounding YES. 2-1. A hope remained. Councillor Rook though was not to be swayed from his principles and abstained, leaving the casting vote in the hands of the chair. Unsurprisingly he chose to follow the herd and his NO made it a 3-1 victory for the antis.
Out into the night steamed the downcast Dulwich contingent whilst their adversaries were left to celebrate their coup. That could all be premature for the hope of an appeal still lingers. All that rides on Cliveden and Big Ron Williamson. Remember Beasley and co, it is still only half time and Dulwich are a second half team.
WATCH THIS SPACE.
Norm The Eclectic Rabbi

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