Ashford Town 0 Dulwich Hamlet 0

Ashford Town 0 Dulwich Hamlet 0
Ryman League Division One South
Saturday 20th September 2008

Your scribe blames the evils of television and bite sized chucks of football served upon a platter to slavering couch potatoes, with scoring as fast and frequent as a Montmartre courtesan. I remember as a youngster the family would gather around staring intently at this grey face in box in the corner of the room. However television soon arrived, so we screwed down the lid and returned granny’s coffin to the graveyard. For those television junkies whose weekly fix exacerbates the demand for goals as their wages for support this game was as empty as a Lehman Brothers pay-packet even if the woodwork was rattled regularly, so much that the groundsman was last seen applying a tincture of valium to the quivering goal frame once the final whistle sounded.
Past graveyard of Dulwich dreams, the Homelands can be a desolate place at times, far from civilisation and the finest that Kentish hops and barley can muster, but despite the dearth of goals, those who still admire the defensive arts could at least take succour from a contest won by the muscular over the artistic, the Greco Romano school laying into the Slade and coming out with the honours. That neither ‘keeper made a save of note in 90 minutes of full-bloodied no holds barred football from the old school was more testament to two defences, expertly marshalled by Herculean skippers in the Nuts’n’Bolts snorting warhorse Sean Ray and the Hamlet’s verbose sergeant major Ryan Bernard, two fierce combatants who’d be first over the top when the whistle blew, rather than censure of attackers that were constantly snuffed out.
Once more the gremlins had nibbled at Ming the Merciless’ squad, injury meant the loss of Steve May at right-back, suspension claimed his understudy Peter Martin. Jamie Lunan too began a frustrating period of toe-tapping on the sidelines, though Lady Luck did throw a favour the way of the Hamlet boss as Sheikh Ceesay returned from his injury layoff to reclaim the gloves. Having returned from his own enforced sojourn in an Oxhey cameo, Alex Fiddes then called time on his Hamlet career in midweek so more adjustment was called for. Benson Paka moved out to a winger/wing back role with Charlie Howard holding the reins in the middle of the park. Centre–half Cedric Ngakam took on a roving role, midfielder without portfolio, at one moment augmenting the defence with his dominant presence, next spurring on attacks.
The Nuts’n’Bolts’ Steve Lovell might have the heavy weight of expectation upon his shoulders, generous owners eager to elevate Ashford up the Pyramid and match off field ambitions with on field success, but for the third game in succession he could name an unchanged starting XI, one that was eager to rebound from being dumped out of the FA Cup by Division frontrunners Kingstonian.
The wizards of the statistics predicted a goal fest; the turf accountants of Ashford predicted a home win. The former might have been right, the latter so wrong had Daryl Plummer’s fearsome first minute drive from distance found the net, the midfielder latching on to a loose ball after Laurent Hamici’s effort had been blocked. That incisive start laid the foundations for some early Hamlet offensive, capped by a Billy Chattaway free kick that floated over a backpedalling Josh Willis only to bounce off the top of the crossbar to spare the young custodian’s blushes.
The Nuts’n'Bolts finally spluttered into life and on the quarter hour Mitchell Sherwood came within a whisker of adding to his season’s impressive goal tally, stroking a hooked volley wide of Ceesay’s left-hand post. However as a mastodon might confront a mammoth, the two sides battered against one another rearguard making naught but the slightest impression.
25 minutes, an Ashford corner saw Ray, once Sussex Shire, now Kentish Dray, appear in the six yard box to meet the cross with a steam hammer header that crashed back from the crossbar. In the mêlée the ball was cleared but only to Daniel Braithwaite who stroked a low, sweet drive from the fringes of the penalty area, the shot forcing Ceesay to scramble across his goal but ultimately skidding wide of the far upright.
Eight minutes before the break Braithwaite came even closed to breaking the impasse as, standing in space on the edge of the area, he met Robbie Ryan’s cross with a clipped volley on the turn that sprang back off the near post. Whilst the hosts still pondered their ill fortune, Dulwich broke at speed with Hamici seemingly clear through on goal until Ryan precisely timed tackle turned the ball behind as the Dulwich hitman pulled the trigger. The corner was well met by Bernard, the Hamlet skipper outjumping his Ashford counterpart, but the header looping over the crossbar.
Ashford were out raring to go before the chill had gone off the half time bar bill. Dulwich lingered, the Nuts’n’Bolts gathering rust as they awaited their adversaries’ appearance but quicker out of the blocks once the second half began in anger. Town started brighter but couldn’t work out the maze of Hamlet’s defence. Dulwich went close, Paka’s determination taking into the penalty area, a first effort blocked by the sliding Ryan, a second effort spinning over the fingers of Willis but smacking against the crossbar.
The wandering nomad, Ngakam, laced muscle with art as his powerful run set up Gary Noel to chip in a ball towards Hamici but Willis was on the button, rushing out to snatch the ball away from the marauding striker.
Perhaps too young to be midfield general, perhaps a midfield second lieutenant, Howard sniffed out an opened and fired a ball into the path of Noel, the youngster turning on the gas to dash on to the pass but then ruining the good work, firing off a dud with only Willis standing between him and a moment of glory. With all hands to the pump Dulwich kept the Nuts’n’Bolts at bay. Even Scott Simpson joined in flicking away with a header from beneath the bar a deep cross bound for a brace of green shirts at the back stick.
Midfield quicksand engulfed a game; assiduous attackers became boa-constricted by unflagging defence. The fans bayed for goals, the benches bayed for caution, the season is too young to throw away needless points. The afternoon’s must accurate shot, if perhaps its most unintentional came from the boot of Plummer with a quarter hour to go, as his chipped attempt sailed wide to the mark only to plop perfectly into a lonely dustbin on the terraces. The goal expectant would have appreciated the delicious irony.
Seeing his offence frustrated at every turn Ashford manager Lovell shuffled his pack, pulled off striker Bradley Spice, a pauper at the table of chances, and defender Jimmy Elford, brought on reserve team graduate forward Lee Farrell and speedy winger Jimmy Bottle to stiffen his attack. But in the end it was to no avail, if Ashford probed in greater numbers, Dulwich merely redoubled their endeavours in defence. The locals trooped out, home to oast and orchard, and dreams of goals in abundance presented by Linekar. The aficionados stayed to applaud manful deeds.

ATFC: Josh Willis; Jimmy Elford (Jimmy Bottle 80); Robbie Ryan; Daniel Braithwaite; Sean Ray (Capt); Ryan Briggs; Anthony Browne; Danny Lye; Bradley Spice (Lee Farrell 83); Paul Jones; Mitchell Sherwood;
Substitutes not used: Lee Hockey; Anthony Hogg; Jamie Riley

DHFC: Sheikh Ceesay; Cedric Ngakam; Billy Chattaway; Benson Paka; Ryan Bernard (Capt.);Marc Cumberbatch; Daryl Plummer; Charlie Howard; Laurent Hamici (Tom Boloriniua 65);Gary Noel; Scott Simpson
Substitutes not used: Fasineh Koroma, Junior Kaffo, Tyran James, Danny Baldwinson (GK)

Officials:
Referee: Mr David Buck (Istead Rise)
Assistant referee: Mr Neil Baker & Mr Mick O’Keefe

Attendance: 267